Who is Miz B?

Long, long ago, in a time when woolly mammoths had just become extinct and the ice cream cone was invented, I was a teacher of human children. I loved this job, and was, I think, quite good at it.

But time goes on and things change and instead of continuing as a robust, sturdy, excellent teacher, I suddenly became one with ulcers and a painful back injury, whining and puling and crawling up the stairs like a wounded coyote who'd lost her way, ready to kill and eat anything that crossed her path.

That's not good for little kids.

So—there I was, in the prime of my life, no longer a teacher, yet needing the Sacred Dollar to continue living my glamorous and extravagant life, just as I had while teaching, for everyone knows that teachers really rake in the bucks.

I'm talking yachts, jewelry, Jaguars (I called mine "Ndugu" for a hero of mine) and more.

Suddenly, out of the blue, my brother needed a Public Relations type uni-person who could promote his music...

He was looking for someone to help him, and as I was unemployed and had plenty of time to waste, I took it on pro bono, because I liked the sound of those two words. I thought it would be a neat name for a band. Pro Bono.

Sadly, I didn't know they had a special and important meaning. Our goal was to find someone who spoke ten or fifteen languages, was a fluent writer, was willing to put in 32-hour days, and was knowledgable about the internet and all the scams out there.

I wandered the world far and wide, crossing oceans in a balloon for eighty days, using camels, elephants, a ferry in New York, and finally, of course, one of the space shuttles.

Alas. We did not find that person. So I began to fill in, and it's worked out pretty well.

So now that we've established a kind of rhythm and have things set up pretty well—I'm expanding. I'm putting my radio shows on my own site!

Jumpin' Jehosaphats JeeHaa! (stolen from Laurence Fishburne in some wanky commercial)

Now I'm pulling in the millions I need for day to day things like water, dog toys, food, literacy training, electricity, lots and lots of baggy clothes, phone and of course, my trusty computer.

I also like to keep my dogs fed, though at times I think I'll drop dead one day, out of the blue, and they might eat me, just like Bridget Jones when she thought she would die fat and alone, half-eaten by wild dogs (great book & great movie-- an unusual combination!)...but I don't blame them for that. It's just their nature, I guess. (It would sure save on dog chow.)

The computer I'm using is a powerful Apple IIe, circa 1985, and wow! The things I can do...I can surf so quickly—pages download in less than an hour!

It's amazing what's happening in the world of technology. I've heard that there are some computers out there that are even in color! Mine, of course, shows only black and green, and I frequently use it during parties to provide mood lighting.

So that's who I am now.

There are lots of other things about me, but none that I think anyone would want to know. Hell, I doubt anyone wanted to know even this much.

Well, heck, I'll put it up anyway, just in case some weary web-wanderer crosses my path and stops here for a sip of water and a dry crust of bread. With just a little mold, not much.

I am nothing if not incredibly generous.     

Miz B

** Yes. 1961, which if you figure it carefully, makes me precisely 32 years old.

My secret is out.